Good Morning Beauties!
This morning I wanted to write something more personal for each of you. As women, we are constantly viewing, liking, engaging & buying into the “norm” of beauty. We are constantly seeking validation without knowing, regarding confidence in who we are. I remember being that young woman, who constantly compared herself to others in magazines, IRL, or just on social media. Most women ask me, how do I have the confidence I have? The answer is simple yet honest. I never truly felt confident until I went through the pain of unconditionally loving myself for who I am unapologetically.
The Story of Me
My story is my own. I grew up in poverty, abuse, mental, physical & sexual to be exact. Most women have such a hard time sharing their story because it is painful. It is not something that brings a smile to their face or fond memories of an amazing life. It brings about tears, night terrors, the inability to trust someone, self-blame & fear. For some time I have thought about sharing this aspect of my life but for me not to share it, is like not sharing a piece of who I am as a woman & human being for that matter.
My father was a direct reflection of his childhood, dealing with abuse & poverty himself. He made our life very difficult & hard because although he loved us, he was abusive. I, as his daughter, have forgiven him, along with my brothers, because we know the life he has lived. Each of us has dealt with trauma from the emotional, mental & physical abuse we endured through childhood to early adulthood. As we became adults, he realized what he did & he has prayed, cried & went through his own pain because of the life he provided for us. We were always clothed, fed & taken care of but just like most households, what happens behind closed doors remains silent because people often do not share what happens privately in their own home, yet they have this amazing ability to continue being strong.
As I was growing up, my father called me “fat” among other words that I choose not to share at the moment. Maybe another time. Being called “fat” or “muy Gorda” (too fat) did something to me internally. It made me believe I was fat & ugly. It made me feel unwanted, undesirable & unloved. Since that time, I noticed that the relationship with myself & loving who I am was broken. I had two men in my life physically affect me for the rest of my life because one robbed me of my innocence & the other of my virginity. One smiled at the presence of my family while the other was someone I personally knew in this passage of life. I will never forget those memories. I will never forget the tears & the feeling of someone using my body. I truly hated myself. I felt worthless & that it was all my fault.
How I found my Confidence
Through those experiences, I had to learn how to love myself again. I had to look at myself & understand that what happened to me was not my fault. I had to learn how to accept every imperfection I had. I’m a real woman, with real insecurities, like most women. I had to reimagine my life not as it was but how I wanted it. I had to learn how to get through moments of others “labeling” me & know that I am not their definition of “beautiful” & that was okay. I learned not to serve in the purpose of others but to serve myself. I learned the value of loving who I am by saying I am beautiful & seeing that beauty in me through “Covergirl” or “Loreal” products in the early 2000s when the beauty industry was not what it was today. When colors, palettes, foundations & products were not representative of me but indicative of how I wanted to feel – “powerful” & “beautiful.”
I had to learn that people are always going to have an opinion & share what they think of you or how you look. People are always going to judge you based on what you look like but to further understand that you have to understand why? We as women have always had women to compare ourselves to in ads, magazines & now social media. However, you have to understand that you give your power to others when they make a statement about your beauty & you let it define you. Do not give anyone your power. Do not give anyone the power or ability to use their words to define the kind of person or woman you are. That is not what your life is about. You have something that no one else has & that is the power of being “confidently you.”
I am fully aware that I have an imperfect smile. That I don’t look like other women represented in media or ads. That I am not skinny, a size 2 or 4 & that I am not young. All these things do not define me. I empower myself through my imperfections because no one else has what is mine. I own my pain because no one can share my story. I learned how to be confident because when you are broken & have to rebuild your life it starts with a strong foundation in knowing your story, your value, your worth & using that to empower you to make the most of it. I wanted to empower others to live the best way they can by bringing positivity into someone else’s life. Confidence is not about putting on some lipstick & smiling, it’s about putting on that lipstick, wearing that outfit & owning who you are. Confidence is about smiling despite what you have been through in life because it has made you stronger & more beautiful for owning who you are as a woman.
So I hope my story has inspired you. I hope it can empower you to share your story & your message. Never be afraid to be confident & love yourself. My story is not perfect but it is mine to share, own & inspire others to live their life beautifully despite their imperfections.